Why This Matters to Us, the Seasoned Players
Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. We understand the thrill of the game, the highs and lows, the calculated risks, and the sheer entertainment of it all. We know the ins and outs of online casinos, the strategies, the odds, and the importance of responsible play. But what happens when someone close to us – a friend, a family member, a mate down at the pub – starts to struggle? It’s a different game altogether, and one that requires a whole new set of skills. This isn’t about beating the dealer; it’s about supporting someone battling an addiction. Even if we’re used to the action on hot slots, helping someone with a gambling problem is a challenge that demands empathy, understanding, and a strategic approach.
Recognising the Signs: Spotting the Trouble
We’re good at spotting patterns, analysing data, and reading people. So, let’s use those skills to identify the tell-tale signs of a gambling problem in someone we care about. This isn’t always easy, as people can be very good at hiding their struggles. But here are some key indicators to watch out for:
- Increased Spending: Are they suddenly spending more money than usual on gambling, or are they borrowing money to gamble? Look for unexplained withdrawals from their accounts or a sudden change in their financial situation.
- Chasing Losses: Are they trying to win back their losses by gambling more and more? This is a classic sign of a problem.
- Preoccupation with Gambling: Do they constantly talk about gambling, plan their next bet, or spend a lot of time thinking about it, even when they’re not actively playing?
- Withdrawal Symptoms: Do they become irritable, anxious, or depressed when they can’t gamble?
- Lying and Deception: Are they hiding their gambling activities from you or others? Are they lying about how much they’re spending or how often they’re playing?
- Relationship Problems: Is their gambling causing conflict with family or friends? Are they neglecting their responsibilities at work or home?
- Neglecting Other Interests: Have they stopped participating in hobbies or activities they used to enjoy? Has gambling become their primary focus?
Having the Conversation: Approach with Care
Once you suspect a problem, the next step is to talk to the person. This is often the hardest part, so preparation is key. Here’s how to approach the conversation:
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Pick a time when you can both talk privately, without distractions. Avoid doing it when emotions are running high or when they’re actively gambling.
- Be Calm and Empathetic: Approach the conversation with genuine concern and a non-judgmental attitude. Remember, they’re likely feeling ashamed and vulnerable.
- Use “I” Statements: Instead of saying, “You’re gambling too much,” try saying, “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending more time and money on gambling lately, and I’m worried about you.”
- Focus on the Behaviour, Not the Person: Avoid personal attacks or accusations. Focus on the specific behaviours you’ve observed.
- Listen Actively: Let them share their feelings and experiences without interruption (unless it becomes abusive). Try to understand their perspective.
- Avoid Giving Financial Assistance: This can enable the problem and make it worse.
- Set Boundaries: Clearly state what you are and are not willing to do to support them.
Supporting Them: Practical Steps and Resources
Having the conversation is just the beginning. Supporting someone through a gambling problem requires ongoing commitment and understanding. Here’s what you can do:
- Encourage Professional Help: This is the most important step. Encourage them to seek help from a therapist, counsellor, or support group specializing in gambling addiction.
- Research Treatment Options: Familiarise yourself with the available treatment options, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), support groups (like Gamblers Anonymous), and residential treatment programs.
- Offer Practical Support: Help them find resources, make appointments, and attend support group meetings with them (if they want you to).
- Help Manage Finances: If they’re open to it, help them create a budget and manage their finances. This might involve taking control of their accounts or setting up payment plans.
- Remove Temptations: Help them avoid situations that trigger their gambling urges. This might mean blocking gambling websites, deleting gambling apps, or avoiding casinos and pubs.
- Educate Yourself: Learn as much as you can about gambling addiction and the recovery process. This will help you understand what they’re going through and how you can best support them.
- Take Care of Yourself: Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be emotionally draining. Make sure you take care of your own well-being by seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist.
Resources in New Zealand
New Zealand offers a range of resources to help people struggling with gambling problems. Here are some key organisations:
- Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand: Provides free counselling, support, and education services.
- Gambling Helpline: A free, confidential 24/7 phone service offering support and information.
- Department of Internal Affairs: The government agency responsible for regulating gambling in New Zealand.
- Gamblers Anonymous New Zealand: A fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from a gambling problem.
Setting Boundaries: Protecting Yourself
It’s crucial to remember that you can’t “fix” someone else’s gambling problem. Your role is to support them, not to enable them. Setting clear boundaries is essential to protect your own well-being. This might involve:
- Refusing to lend them money: No matter how much they plead, lending them money will only perpetuate the problem.
- Not covering their debts: Resist the urge to bail them out of financial trouble.
- Protecting your own finances: Keep your finances separate and avoid becoming financially entangled with them.
- Limiting your contact: If their behaviour becomes too disruptive or damaging, you may need to limit your contact with them for your own well-being.
- Seeking professional help for yourself: A therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult situation.
The Long Game: Patience and Persistence
Recovery from gambling addiction is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be setbacks, relapses, and moments of doubt. It’s important to be patient, persistent, and supportive throughout the process. Celebrate their successes, offer encouragement during difficult times, and remember that your support can make a real difference in their life. It’s not just about the game anymore; it’s about helping someone rebuild their life, one step at a time.
Conclusion: Your Role in Their Recovery
Supporting a friend or family member with a gambling problem is a challenging but incredibly rewarding experience. By recognising the signs, having open and honest conversations, providing practical support, and setting healthy boundaries, you can play a crucial role in their recovery journey. Remember to prioritise your own well-being, seek support when needed, and celebrate every step forward. Your understanding and compassion can make all the difference in helping them reclaim their lives.