It’s always less awkward if you have someone to introduce you and something to talk about. What you can do in this situation, is to accept the invitation, and have a back-up plan. This allows you to leave the place if you get too nervous and can’t handle the social pressure. Regular messaging or calling shows you care and keeps the connection alive. Small gestures such as sending a funny meme or sharing an article of interest can start meaningful exchanges. Consider attending events that promote casual conversations, like community fairs or book signings.
These can be people who just came to the city (think expats events), or people who go to meetups meetup.com. Also, see if there is an internations.org group in your city. The reason for focusing on the person you are talking to is to take the focus off yourself. When we are shy and self conscious, we tend to worry about how we look and how we are presenting ourselves.
Building your confidence doesn’t happen overnight, even if we wish it did. Starting small is the best way to ease yourself into socializing gently. You’ve turned down invitations because socializing feels too hard. You stand in rooms full of people feeling completely invisible. You avoid events because the thought of small talk makes you feel sick. Social anxiety doesn’t always look like someone hiding at home all weekend or retreating into the corner of a lively nightclub.
She is also a keen observer and likes to use her observations in her writing. She is also an inquisitive traveler and a culture enthusiast who loves exploring and learning about new places and people. She loves cooking and baking, reading fiction books and binge-watching thrillers in her leisure time. Being shy definitely doesn’t mean that you are not interested! Try to understand your strengths and what topics you can chat freely about, and use this feature to your advantage.
Determine Whether It’s Shyness Or Something Else
One of the best ways to make friends is to put yourself where the people are. Joining a club, sports team, or even a study group helps you naturally meet others with similar interests—without the pressure of forcing a friendship. If you worry a lot about what to talk about when you’re out socializing, make a list of possible conversation topics.
Start small, with one understanding and kind friend, learning to carry on a conversation. Begin speaking up in safe places, such as your familiar church or among a group of close friends. You can work to become less shy, but, if your shyness doesn’t cause any problems, you probably don’t need to push yourself to overcome it. It also creates more space for trust to develop, and trust is always a good thing. A slow start often leads to stronger relationships down the line, after all.
- Building your confidence doesn’t happen overnight, even if we wish it did.
- This timeline is longer than it might be for extroverts, but the resulting friendships are often stronger due to the gradual trust-building.
- Sociological research reveals that “weak ties”—casual acquaintances rather than close friends—often lead to meaningful opportunities and connections.
- This familiarity with a place and its regulars can create a sense of comfort and facilitate interactions.
- This game invites players to answer humorous, fun questions, allowing you to connect with others through shared laughter.
How To Choose The Right Groups Or Forums On Social Networks?
Let’s explore proven strategies for making friends as a shy person—concrete steps you can implement immediately regardless of your location, age, or circumstances. This advice sounds encouraging but provides zero actionable guidance. For shy people, this vague directive creates more anxiety than assistance.
Get flirty with friends, make your crush blush, and practice your pickup lines before you make a fool of yourself at the bar. It’s just a few basic things that pay off in a big way over time. Your stomach might flip out of nowhere, hitting you with a sudden bout of nausea right as you’re getting ready for a networking event. Deep down, socially anxious people want to connect, Dr. Carmichael says.
The more you listen to your negative self talk and avoid social situations, the more the thoughts grow and take on a life of their own. Challenge this thinking, not only by replacing negative thoughts with more positive thoughts but also by confronting what you fear with action. Take baby steps initially and perhaps meet a friend on a one-to-one basis. Gradually increase the amount of socializing and in this way, you will reduce your shyness. Join the gym, find a hobby that you enjoy, try internet dating or join a sports club. The more you have in common with the people around you, the easier it will be to interact and have conversations.
Engage in low-pressure settings, such as groups with shared interests. Attend classes, workshops, or clubs where you can meet people who share your passions. These environments foster connections while reducing anxiety. Understanding shyness and introversion clarifies the unique challenges you face.
This looks different from extroverted friendship—and that’s completely fine. Your version of rich social life respects your energy limits and need for depth. Shy people often watch others make friends quickly and assume something’s wrong with their slower pace. In reality, slow friendship development often creates stronger, more lasting bonds. Digital tools can reduce barriers to connection for shy people when used strategically rather than as a replacement for in-person interaction.
In a room full of strangers, they may remain by themselves, away from the crowd, kind of in their own world. Once they feel more comfortable with others, they open up, and really can be a great deal of fun. When a shy friend starts to warm up, you may forget how shy they had been when you first met. Learn how to break the ice and become friends with an extremely shy person.
Gradually, you’ll start to feel more comfortable in social situations. Participating in team sports or group classes offers opportunities to bond over shared experiences. These settings make social interactions feel more comfortable and support friendship development.
Of course, in the long run the best thing to do is address your shyness directly, but I get that not everyone is in a place in their lives where they can do that right this minute. If you try any of these suggestions realize they’re a second-best alternative. There’s an element of luck involved and they may not pay off. One of the problems shyness causes is that you have to leave more of your social life to chance, since you can’t create as many opportunities yourself.
Negative body language puts people off, and they might not feel like talking to you. Before you go out into the world to make friends, the first step is to accept yourself as you are. Know that shy people also have a lot of friends and can befriend their extroverted counterparts. For example, a book discussion group at a local library, or a drop-in night at a board game cafe. The activity starts the conversation for you and gives you something to talk about.
This game invites players to answer humorous, fun questions, allowing you to connect with others through shared laughter. It’s a great way to ease into conversations in a relaxed, low-pressure setting. Here are a few major ways to tell whether you’re socially anxious (versus shy)—plus expert-approved ways to navigate high-pressure events, parties, and public speaking opportunities. The “get out there, then hope someone else takes all the initiative” approach can even work if you’re extremely shy. It takes a lot more time and luck to find them, but you may still stumble onto that one person who takes an interest in you, and who’s good at making you feel relaxed around them. Some really nervous, inhibited people have friends because someone took a liking to them, and didn’t care that they were on the quiet side.
Anytime you have a negative voice in your head telling you that you are too shy or too weird, pause for a moment and think about your positive qualities instead. Tell yourself that you are talented, creative, and deserving of making good friends. Embracing your unique personality and qualities will help you get more confident with the other person.
The reality is that www.easternhoneys.org shy people need specific, step-by-step strategies—not motivational platitudes. You need to know the exact environment to enter, the precise actions to take, and the specific words to say. Not only will you be helping someone else who might be in a similar situation to you but it usually feels easier to approach one person than a large group. Hanging out with friends of friends can be a great way to meet new people.
Research suggests it takes approximately 50 hours of interaction to develop casual friendship, 90 hours for regular friendship, and 200+ hours for close friendship. For shy people attending weekly activities, this translates to roughly 3-6 months for casual friendship and 6-12 months for deeper connection. This timeline is longer than it might be for extroverts, but the resulting friendships are often stronger due to the gradual trust-building. Don’t be discouraged by slower progress—quality friendships are worth the investment of time. The loneliness weighs heavily, but the anxiety of putting yourself out there feels even heavier. On the surface, they might not sound all that different—especially if you’re someone who dreads small talk or needs time warming up to new people.